Hey I’m Ellie and I live in England, here’s an insight into my pretty plain life but if you read it I will love you forever :P
So at the moment I am studying for my GCSEs I’m taking French, Philosophy and Ethics, Catering, History and all the other subjects I’m forced to do like maths, science and english. At school I have an amazing group of friends that are always there for me and I love them all so much. The only downside is that all of them are ridiculously clever and I’m not. I’m in middle set for everything and I’m not gonna lie, I do have trouble with lessons sometimes. I try really hard in my lessons but I still don’t get the marks I want and I’m predicted Bs and Cs for my GCSEs which I think sums me up, not the worst but never the best. I try not to compare myself with other people because it makes me feel like shit but it is hard when all of your friends are celebrating getting As and you’re just sitting at the back with your C. I want my friends to do well and I’m always really pleased for them but there is still that little bit of jealousy at the back of my mind. I also have a 17 year old sister to try and measure up to, it doesn’t help that she is also a genius and got amazing GCSE grades and is doing really well in her A levels, my Dad is always pressuring me to do well in my lessons but I don’t think he understands that it is harder for me. When I’m older I would love to be a midwife because I think it would be amazing to help bring new life into the world on a daily basis. Sometimes I just want to forget it all and pretend that everything is fine but its hard to do that when everyone around you is so perfect. I used to think people that went off the rails just wanted attention but that was when I still thought that everything in the world was fine and I would be just like my sister, but now I realise that they need to let go and just be themselves. All my life I’ve had people telling me what to do and when to do it and I can’t stand it any more, everyone expects everything from me and I just can’t do it.
I don’t have a particularly interesting life and I know that people have much, much worse lives than me and I don’t want you to think that I’m ungrateful but I’m just venting my feelings about the things that stress me out the most.
If you have read this you are amazing and have the patience of a saint, if you ever need to talk to anyone I’m always here for you.
